Greggity's Jumping Frenchmen of Maine disease

Greggity now considers Jumping Frenchmen of Maine, AKA Jumping Lumberjack Disease


This is taken from Yahoo! Health:

"Jumping Frenchmen" is a disorder characterized by an unusually extreme startle reaction. The startle reaction is a natural response to an unexpected noise or sight. This disorder was first identified during the late nineteenth century in Maine and the Canadian province of Quebec. Lumberjacks of French Canadian descent were originally associated with this phenomenon but it has since been observed in other societies in many parts of the world as well. "Jumping Frenchmen" is suspected to be a genetic disorder and/or an extreme conditioned response to a particular situation possibly influenced by cultural factors. Symptoms tend to improve with age.

That's the basic primer on the disease. What follows is a lengthy but informative interview, featuring questions I'm often asked.

Question: Is it true that it's related to Tourette's Syndrome?
G-Answer: Apparently so. The disorder was "originally described by G.M. Beard in 1878 . . . The interest sparked by Beard's publication about the disease inspired Georges Gilles de la Tourette to investigate what later became known as Tourette's Syndrome."

Question: Does this mean you're likely to uncontrollably scream obscenities, even in awkward situations?
G-Answer: Hell no! Your mama.

[Editor's Note: Please pardon my language.]

Question: Are you a lumberjack?
G-Answer: No. You don't want me chopping down trees or transporting them to a mill.

Question: Do you really have this disorder?
G-Answer: Probably not. I do have an extreme startle reaction -- this is not in doubt. I frequently levitate, and I caught air several times yesterday alone. You have all seen my extreme reactions many times. All I can say is it's my normal reaction -- it's not something I "try" to do, or part of an act.

That said, other symptoms of the disease include the following: "individuals . . . would obey any command given suddenly, even if it meant striking a loved one, and repeat back unfamiliar or foreign phrases uncontrollably."

I won't obey any command given suddenly, and I certainly won't strike loved ones . . . unless they really deserve it. I'm kidding. If you find me repeating unfamiliar or foreign phrases uncontrollably, we might be onto something.

Yo tengo leche para todos! Yo tengo leche para todos!

Whoa, where did that come from?!

Question: Who originally diagnosed you?
G-Answer: Brian Hard, Legislative Director for United States Congressman Greg Walden (R-2nd OR)

Question: Is Brian some sort of medical professional? Does he have any health credentials?
G-Answer: Hell no! (Whoops). He did teach me to juggle, though. And he has a sound legislative mind.

Question: Yahoo! Health says symptoms tend to improve with age. Are you seeing any improvement now that you're 30?
G-Answer: Unfortunately not just yet. As noted, I jumped several times yesterday alone. But there's always hope, I guess. :)

Question: What do your friends do when they find out you may have this disease?
G-Answer: They sneak up on me and say, "Boo!"

Question: Why are you going public with this?
G-Answer: You know, I thought this forum -- a well trafficked blog with loads of readers -- was the perfect way to go to get the message out there.

Question: Haunted Houses probably aren't your thing, I reckon?
G-Answer: Well, I mean, I jump high, flail and scream like a little baby. But I kind of like that.

Question: Roller coasters?
G-Answer: Don't have a problem with most coasters, because I know when the drop is coming. The key is that I can expect it and I'm ready for it. But that big drop in Pirates of the Carribean? All I can say is make sure I'm buckled in well.

Question: Tengo leche para todos? What's that mean?
G-Answer: It's Spanish and it means, "I have milk for everyone!"

Question: Why did you write it?
G-Answer: I have no $%&*^# idea.

g.


(Photo credit: Something called acadiamagic.com. The statue of Paul Bunyan in Bangor Maine faces the Penobscot River to the east where ships from all over the world arrived in Bangor during the 1800's for loads of lumber.)